Tuesday, April 23, 2019

I Agreed To WHAT? and A Kicked Up Roast Beef Sandwiches

If you are a writer or blogger, sometimes you run into what we call "writers block" when this happens you try all sorts of tricks and look for tips on how to break out of it. Like -
Spam email post...
Have you ever looked in your spam folder? No, not Spam in a can, your spam folder. Junk that goes to your email that if you have a filter system you are lucky enough to never see.
What if...what if you agreed to do or buy the first 10 in your spam folder. (this is totally fiction and just for fun y'all so please don't message me about the dangers of spam emails. It's all in good fun)

Here's what I would have agreed to...
"How to get a hard on up into your 70's!" WOW I can't get a hard on now, so up into my 70's would be remarkable.
Casanova's Dirty Secret, it's how a 70 year old man impregnated over 50 women. Dang, guess I'll need a job to pay all that child support. But wait, does a hard on guarantee children if I'm NOT actually doing the deed and if I don't have a slong? Hmmm

Cooking with Paula Deen the newest cookbook Cooking In Cast iron, well just what I needed. Another cookbook and for cast iron. We just picked up our third LARGE cast iron pan. I wonder if when the book arrives there are recipes I can adapt for the grill. Because seriously I wanted to use the pan on the grill. Goody!

Canadian Pet Care supplies, well we all know they have the socialist medical care system for humans. Why not check out their supplies for pets. Will this stuff pass through customs? Hey, what's this? Homeopathic supplies for anxiety. I wonder if it's weed for cats? Oh no, that's cat nip and we have some of that. Yep, says right here "joint supply" oh never mind that's FOR joints/bone connectors not 'joints' as in weed. Shoot. What am I getting?

Well HOT DANG DIGGITY, FedEx has confirmed my deliver of $4,700,000,000 dollar inheritance check and all I have to do is click on the link and give them my credit card information so they can charge me the international fee of $350. Seems like a good trade. Right? No? Man, think of all the bills I could pay off and the retirement we'd have with that kind of money. I took a chance. (not really y'all this is totally fiction writing)

Your Ambien order is on it's way, we just need you to call 1-800-***-**** to confirm your credit card information and your 90 day supply will be on it's way. Well, I have been having trouble sleeping.

Fun Hook Ups, enjoy these women and flirting while we finish your subscription. Hmm don't remember doing this. Must have been while I was on the Ambien. You know it makes you walk, talk and eat in your sleep. Maybe I signed up for a dating site too. Click here to see who is waiting for you...should I see?

Apparently I'm a NY Surrogate and my payment is overdue. Wait. If I'm a surrogate, shouldn't they pay me? Hey this sounds fishy.

Walk-in bathtubs seem to be the hot ticket right now because well I'm not getting any younger and a fall could render me helpless in my own home. Seems I have an appointment for a tub fitting. How does that work? Do they measure me or the space the tub will go in? Should I call to confirm or just wing it?

OH LUUUCY YOU GOT SOME SPLAIN" TO DO! Seems I have a subscription to Lesbian Love? Hmm how's that gonna work with the Casanova Hard On meds? Don't think the ladies will appreciate that one. Could be cause for concern. Wow...first 10 spam emails? How about Lesbian Love is pages, yes pages, 3-7 in my folder. DANG must have been another Ambien night.

According to Mike Peterson in not one but twelve emails, my US Funds are sitting in a US reserve bank waiting for me to claim them. WOW wonder how much is in reserves?

Sorry if I shocked you, put you in a state of "what the hell is wrong with her" or just confused the snot out of you. It was a fun post and the brain child of Karen over at Baking In A Tornado. Please be sure to stop by and see what crazy spam mail is agreed to.

Now for a delicious recipe:
Kicked Up Roast Beef Sandwiches
good deli quality roast beef, thick sliced
I used Best's Oven flat bottom roast beef, 5 slices
cut into strips
cook with slices of onion and peppers, add a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce, to taste
serve on buns with mayo with or without cheese
Really I'm not sure it qualifies as a recipe but it is truly that simple. I bought roast beef, cut it into strips, sauteed it with onions and peppers, a few dashes of sauce, toasted buns, smeared mayo on them, added a slice of cheese and BAM done.
I hope you enjoyed today's post. It is totally out of the ordinary for me but sometimes you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. 

2 comments:

  1. Now, I have to go check out my own spam folder! You two make it sound so exciting!

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  2. Your spam folder seems to have a one track mind . . . sex, sex, and more sex. Well, and then the Ambien but I have to say that after all that "exercise" I don't think you'll need anything to help you sleep.
    Thanks for doing this with me, it was fun!

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