Friday, June 19, 2015

Beer, Jobs, Friends, Travel and Mr. Chocolate oh my! June 2015 FOTW

Last month my allergies went nuts and I was seriously congested, cough, the whole nine yards. I'm sitting on the bed and my mom wants to know if I want food. want something to drink, I'm so thirsty I'm spitting sand. She cracks up and says "You're crazy" huh, I'm almost 50 and she's just figuring this out???

A beer brand we recently found...I swear it cracks me up. I'm not sure if you drink this if it makes you hump legs or if you drink it you act like a dog OR if you drink it you can't hump...oh the things to ponder. Yes I'm a little warped sometimes.

I walk in the door from work and LMSP says " my mommy had a wreck"
I look at my mom, "Really?"
Mom: yep, she sent me a text and said "gonna be late picking up J, just had a wreck" that was over an hour ago.
3 hours later LMSP mom shows up, not only did she have a wreck, she totaled the car. Not paying attention, in a hurry and texting.
thank GOD LMSP was not with her and the baby is okay. LMSP baby sister is 17 months old but was not hurt.
NOTE to all the texters out there DO NOT TEXT and DRIVE, PLEASE

WORK I'm transporting several passengers from dialysis and this one guy says to me "Hey Dawn did I tell you my brother died?"
I'm like, oh no I'm so sorry Mr K
He says "Yeah he over dosed on Viagara and we had to bury him with the casket lid open cause he still had a hard on a week later"
ROTFL Mr K that is awful!!
he laughs, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm joking, it's a joke!
All the men on the bus are laughing, I'm beet red....lawd have mercy the things these old men to say to me!

At work:
Me: Hi I'm looking for M Howard
MH: Yep that's me honey
Me: okay Mr Howard you can go ahead and board the bus
MH: turns and looks at me "oh baby don't call me Mr Howard, mmm mmm you can call me Mr Candy Man
Me: oh lawd help me, sorry Mr Howard please board the bus
MH: aw come on baby, call me Candy Man
Me: No sir, not happening
MH: laughs and get on the bus
geez I do NOT get paid enough!!

Mr K says "hey honey girl, call me Mr Candy man"
Me: Sorry but Mr Howard just told me to call him that
Mr K "DAMN you M, don't be stealing my lines!"
Me: LOL y'all need to behave
Mr K : why ain't no fun in that
Okay these men are harmless, they're all over 65 on dialysis and have of them are in wheelchairs, but let me tell you, their MINDS are sharp and their thoughts are still Naughty with a capital N. No joke!

I'm in the hood, DEEP in the hood, dropping off a passenger and this gang comes walking up. Mr K says stop right here sweetheart let me handle this. I'm pushing him in his wheelchair to his door, so I stop. He yells "YO SHORTY control yo' N (you know the word) dis here is my new driver and y'all best be leaving her alone"
Shorty "alright alright I feel ya homez, its all good"
Me: dear God get me out of here safely
Mr K: girl down here you don't need God you need a gun
Again, I don't get paid enough

Another day, dropping off a neighbor of Mr K and I see Shorty and his gang again, geez these guys need a job.... One yells at me "Yo Red!" You Mr K driver, right?"
I said "yep that's right"
He said "cool" and walks off
Damn I need a drink!!

My son and I live with my mom, we share a bedroom. I work days, he works night. So the poor bed is hardly ever empty. Anyway...I go in and wake him so we can do eat. I cleaned out the litter box, yes we also share this 10 x 10 bedroom with 3 cats....lawd help us all! Anyway, I pick up my phone, stick it in my pocket, take out the trash and come back inside. My son is standing there and says "ok let me get dressed" I said "okay let me grab my phone...dang it, what did I do with my phone" he looks at me, I look around then place my hands on my hips, you know the mama stance, I said "oh it's in my pocket." I laugh and he just shakes his head...yeah it's been one of those days. LOL

My son and I had to make a trip to GA, yep the place I really thought I'd never return to...well I'm glad we did. It was a whirlwind trip, driving all night on Friday and then returning Sunday...over 20 hours of driving but well worth it. I spent time with family and Little Man! You remember him, I used to live across the street from him and take care of him part time. I love him and miss him so much!
Here are a few tid bits from the trip!

My son and I are driving back and in this teeny tiny town we pass a grocery store "Piglet", I'm tired, hot and bored. It caught me as funny. I said "LOOK J the Piggly Wiggly had a baby and it's the Piglet" He just looks at me, shakes his head and says "No ma'am, I'm gonna need you to stop right now" I'm cracking up, he said "the heat has already affected your brain" LOL yep I guess so cause it was funny as snot to me.

Little Man, who is now 2 1/2 is walking around moving stuff, Nema says "B what are you looking for?"
He looks at her and says "I'm looking for my dog and can't find it, it's ridiculous"
OMG seriously? This was funny!

At the funeral, lady picks up a jar of pickles (okay clarification this was the family dinner BEFORE the funeral) and says "these look just like cucumbers" We all crack up, I said "that's because they are first cousin to the cucumber" she's like, "Oh I didn't know pickles were cousins to cucumbers" It took all I could do not to bust a gut laughing at this! Poor lady, she needs to get out more!!

My sister-in-law is reading the newspaper and says "Daddy, what's an "anti que?"
It's not an ANTI QUE , it's antique, old stuff.
"Oh" lots of laughing
She tells me that she thought it was "physi  que" as well... I think it's in the water down there I swear.

My niece said "mom have you ever been walking down the hall and just close your eyes to rest them, fall asleep and hit the wall?"
She says "uh no honey! Did you?
O says "yeah at school"

This child is genetically blonde!

Brother-in-law talking to his grandson, his parents were taking him for a happy meal. My sister-in-law T says "Levi can you bring me a happy meal when you go?"
Levi "No, when I get one it will be the last one and no left, so you can't have one." by the way he's 3.
She says "what the last one?"
Levi, "yes no one else can have any"
His dad says "well what if someone else gets the last one before you so you can't have one?
Levi looks at his dad and says "Then you're fired!"

We all crack up!

Driving down it is the middle of the night, around 1 a.m. and we pass signs like "Woosachacie" and "Cooswhatchie, SC" and "ohoopee river" at that time of the morning, it is reallllly funny to say three times fast.

Did you know there is a "Cat Tail, SC and Cowhole SC?" for real. There is a Tick Bite NC and Hell's Half Acre, SC. Strange names but this one takes the cake "Sugar Tit, SC" yep for real! NOT where I want to live. Imagine addressing those lovely Christmas cards each year. hahahaha

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 18 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.
Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:                          Baking In A Tornado                          Spatulas on Parade                      Follow me home                          Menopausal Mother                        Stacy Sews and Schools                                   Battered Hope                                  Just A Little Nutty                                        The Momisodes                            Someone Else’s Genius                                Disneyland in Kentucky                            Juicebox Confession                               Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                                  Sanity Waiting to Happen                        Southern Belle Charm                      The Sadder But Wiser Girl                   Searching for Sanity                                            Go Mama O              Eileen’s Perpetually Busy
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  1. Dawn, your dialysis bus needs it's own blog! Your clients are hilarious!
    I don't know which had the funnier name; the beer or the cities in S.Carolina :)

    1. I know! These people provide me with entertainment and blog material on a daily basis! That beer had me rolling!

  2. OMG...those are insane names of towns and love the naughty old men...too funny! When I want someting to eat and it's not there I might fire someone too!!! LOL

    1. These old guys are something else! I have to write about John next month!! And Mr Lee...oh my gosh

  3. LOL!!! Leg Humper.... LOL Sugar Tit!

    1. LOL can you imagine putting that on your baby shower invites! Sugar Tit!!

  4. I need that beer for my hubs!!! He'd love that! The Viagra joke was hilarious, too!

    1. My honey loves beer and I asked him if he wanted the beer, he said why you want your leg humped? LOL men!

  5. WOW!! You did get some great stuff this month!!! ROFLOL!!! TOO FUNNY!!!
    That beer, though!!!

    1. I had to sneak the photo, I didn't want all the men in the bar to see me do a snap shot of the Leg Humper! LOL
      I like the Merry Monk beer too! LOL no idea who comes up with the names but they are attention grabbers for sure.

  6. Sounds like you are surrounded by quick witted people -- the beer was the best. The city names are hard to believe. Too funny

    1. My passengers will be providing much needed material for the FOTW, LOL

  7. Over here in Utah we have a beer called Polygamy Porter... brewed right here in the state, too.

    Those town names in SC are hilarious! Even at a normal time of the day.

  8. You definitely don't get paid enough! They sound like such good fun though :-)